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[31 Dec 2004|12:17am] |
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mood |
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 pensive |
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music |
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can't get enough of Elliott Smith.. tragic genius |
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So the year is coming to a close
What the future holds no one knows
I sit here and reflect and things of the past
and hope i find good memories that will last
some.. bad extemporaneous poem writing there.
2004 was filled with much angst due to the impending doom of my future... but a few good friends were made, self-discovery went a little further, and i was most lazy and ungrateful for everything as usual. peace.
the world is in turmoil.. yet cozy suburban American has yet to feel it.. will we ever feel it? will we be ready?
---
anyway.. finished Fifth business.. i see much of myself in Ramsay... a little in Liesl... and I'm not sure if that's good or bad. wondering.. am i a fifth? can't wait to go on to the next two books in the trilogy.. probably won't till summer...
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[05 Dec 2004|12:58am] |
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mood |
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 sore |
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music |
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Massive Attack - Teardrop |
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hmm.. i was sitting down.. eating dinner.. reading the obituaries.. and i realized our WWII vets and people of that era are all dying. day after day a few more die and we lose a part of living history.
i say we head out to our local nursing home and scout one out before they're all gone.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
other news.. i wrote this rant.. excerpt: "things have been coalescing into one colossal fireball of shit."
yea.. bring on winter depression.
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[02 Nov 2004|05:41pm] |
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mood |
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 pissed off |
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music |
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origa - inner universe; boy george - the crying game |
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so i did something pretty wrong.. morally bad... I cheated. i was kinda desperate.. kinda stupid.. kinda didn't plan.. kinda knew the consequences but w/e... the thing is i should just forget about it.. because the morally wrong aspect hasn't been bothering me.. its the i-got-caught part. and its spoiling this rare little break from school. fuck you barnes. i hope i see you in hell.
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[19 Sep 2004|04:01pm] |
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mood |
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 blank |
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16
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[25 Aug 2004|09:47am] |
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Volunteered at St. Joe's (or wayne general as i still like to call it) yesterday. I was minding my own business reading the newspaper before I started on my book when this other volunteer came along...
I wouldn't have cared but she had to be one of those perky cheerleaders who was always looking for something to do, couldn't sit still, and kept talking to me about her goddamn friends. I didn't even get to read. My peace was disturbed and I had to listen to her ramble on about her birthday... or Meredith's birthday... or her boyfriend..
then i told her i had to walk home. she said.. i can just see the headlines now: Teen volunteer tragically killed walking home from the hospital. FUCK off already.
fuck... gotta go do tons of work while i fantasize about hunting my dad down with a machete.
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[12 Aug 2004|06:15pm] |
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mood |
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 full |
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music |
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massive attack:angel, juno reactor, muse:time is running out |
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our governor is gay.. interesting. but why is he resigning? i didn't bother to read the whole article.....
"love knows no gender"
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::cries::: summer is almost over... i've realized i enjoy doing nothing productive. if i could live the rest of my life sitting on my ass reading books, fencing, downloading some songs, and watching some late-nite tele i would be happy. i mean... who actually needs to accomplish anything?
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[22 Jul 2004|01:26pm] |
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mood |
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 grateful |
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music |
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Thomas Newman... because he is god. |
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http://www.njfencing.org/Season_Results/2003_2004/GSG_AgeGroup_Results.html#table2
click women's foil. i got lucky then deflated near the end.
my dad's threatening to stop paying for masters because i haven't been doing anything. and i'm trying to get him to buy $400+ worth of fencing gear. :\ well... i'm cutting it down to around $200 and saving the other $200 for later.
why is the AP bio booklet so incredibly boring?
finished reading Jennifer Government. pretty good. on to... 747 shit.
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[16 Jul 2004|02:18am] |
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mood |
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 sick |
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music |
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HIIH - Feels Like Heaven. jap techno at the end of Ringu |
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Some classic times at Masters Fencing this week. Joulia tied a medicine ball to my waist to simulate being pregnant with quadruplets or more... Needless to say without counting the morning sickness, mood swings, and food cravings.. pregnancy sucks. Why God, why? Why can't we just shit out an egg and keep it warm for a week?
A couple days ago we were looking for something interesting in the old lockers in the changing room. Before we found a pin that said "Epees have the stiffest blades." This time we found a catalogue for Pleasurable Body Piercings (just down the road from Masters). We thought the hairy guy with his nipples pierced on the inside cover was disturbing until we found the pictures of the illustrated pierced genitals. I didn't know stuff like that could go places like there.
Anyway, basically I'm screwed for my first non-school fencing tournament this Sunday. Cuz Saturday we're going to 6 fags and I'm kinda sick. I feel like there's this neverending clump of snot in my nose. And every time I think I've blown all of it out, five minutes later it's clogged again. My fencing totally dropped 10 levels from where it was last week and i currently have a headache.. but that might just be cuz its 2 in the morning..
Saw Ringu (Japanese original version of The Ring). I must say, it just might be a difference in cultures.. but the Japanese woman was way more dependent on her man than Naomi Watts was. Sadako looked 20 whereas Samara looked 10. Aidan was definately more creepy than Yoichi. I liked how it focused more on the supernatural element and gave it more explanation.. whereas the American version was only like.. Samara was the only one with evil powers.
Saw 2001: A Space Odyssey. I personally like A Clockwork Orange better. The special effects were groundbreaking in the late 60s early 70s but it was boring.
Saw Cyborg 2 on Scifi just now. haha.. suprisingly good B movie. Only reason i watched it was because i was like whaat?.. is that angelina jolie in a bad scifi flick from the early 90s? and it was.
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Aaaaah... I'm so scared... I'm not ready to lose this badly! [i looked at last years Garden State Games results... .. .. .. ... only 20 ppl. many i kno to be good.]:'(
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[07 Jul 2004|10:36pm] |
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mood |
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cynical |
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music |
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Elliott Smith: Between the Bars. free download at amazon.com |
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sometimes.. i wanna tell my mother.. shut up because i'm not listening.
now its mostly.. shut up.. just fucking divorce him.
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[21 Jun 2004|09:54am] |
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mood |
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discontent |
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music |
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pink floyd - hey you |
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Deer feces look like tiny olives.
Now imagine scooping hundreds of these tiny olives embedded in grass that hasn't been mowed since last summer. What a fun Father's Day.
On the way to work this morning I saw a dead deer on the sidewalk. It was fresh roadkill with blood and everything still there. It made me sad even though I spent 40 min. picking up deer shit yesterday.
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[29 May 2004|12:39pm] |
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mood |
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good |
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music |
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John Corigliano/Joshua Bell - The Red Violin Score |
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"The challenge for me is still to do someting that hasn't been beaten into the movie going consciousness. Otherwise what am I in it for? The dough? Well, the dough is cool, but I don't wan to be 85 years old and have my grandkids go, 'Ewwww. Grandpa did some dumb shit.' I'd rather have them say, 'Wow, man. You're nuts!'"
-johnny depp
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[05 May 2004|04:09pm] |
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mood |
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$00|\| 2 b3 \/\/1r3d |
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music |
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Fenix Tx - Phoebe Cates ....catchy song |
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ok so.. Secretary this morning at 3.30 am. another great movie. the reason i got 4 hours of sleep and got a 70 on the oracle test. it was worth it. one of the most character driven movies i've seen in awhile. most nowadays are all style. a beautiful love story/S&M relationship ;)
Lee: Each cut, each scar, each burn, a different mood or time. I told him what the first one was, told him where the second one came from. I remembered them all. And for the first time in my life I felt beautiful. Finally part of the earth. I touched the soil and he loved me back.
this week gonna be a great movie... Natural Born Killers is on friday at 1 sumthin am... watch it!
TGFFHBO.... Thank God For Free HBO
yesterday i spent an hour doing crossword puzzles. it was damn cool cuz i'm a dork like that. i also watched some of Mr Bean. unfortunately it was a pirated Malaysian copy and therefore only had like 3 episodes repeating...
as a result.. i will fail all tests tomorrow...
note to self: drink as much coffee as possible w/ out peeing every 5 minutes in MiniMed.
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[19 Apr 2004|09:43pm] |
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mood |
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annoyed |
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music |
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Blur - The Universal |
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i watched Made when i came back from school today. this girl wanted to win the beauty pagent at her school. She was an anime-loving naive loser. i would have respected her if she weren't on mtv trying to be a beauty queen.
her wardrobe consisted of oversized shirts with fantasy pictures, maternity clothes, and shirts from walmart. why, oh why did she trade them in for high heels and preppie clothes?
the worst part.. is she had a top ten crush list. and her crush asked her out.. gee.. i wonder why... there's an mtv camera crew behind the girl i used to think was a total geek. let me be on national television. they broke up.. i don't know why.. cuz i was watching something better during the commercials..
fucking superficial bastards.
okay.. i'm going to stop watching MTV.. its bad for my mental health
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| a cruce salus [from the cross comes salvation?] |
[12 Apr 2004|04:02pm] |
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mood |
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 curious |
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music |
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30 sec. clips of John Debney's score for the Passion |
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I just saw The Passion of the Christ this Saturday
Two words:
( HOLY SHIT )
In fact, I had a really religious weekend
Friday: ( Religious Food for Thought )
Sunday: ( A bore in church )</lj-cut)
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[08 Apr 2004|07:59pm] |
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mood |
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 creative |
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music |
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Bonnie Tyler - Total Eclipse of the Fucking Heart |
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Today was really hairy shit
I feel unusual because my antidepressants are making me hairy.
I'm so hardcore. Me and Buzz went to the mall today, and I stole a whole heap of stuff. I got a Good Charlotte CD, a couple of DVDs and some new boots. Buzz got caught, but he fought his way out, and then we stole some lady's car and smashed it into a phone booth.
Last night I had to shave my entire body. Apparently, the lice that I caught from Amanda's friend are really hard to get rid of. I look quite strange with no hair and eyebrows. I'd post pictures, but my webcam is broken.
I am updating this journal for the first time in ages, because I've been in prison.
I went to the doctor yesterday, and he said I have a terrible skin disease which prevents me from coming into contact with other human beings. And bipolar disorder.
You should all do this quiz! It's amazingly accurate. You just put in your name and birthday, and it will tell you what your favourite sexual position is.
wordBASTARD 1.0 and 2.0 completed. its one big inside joke only honors english kids will get... to be premiered on Monday.
That's enough for now. But I'll leave you with this thought - sharing your life with strangers on the internet is the cheapest form of therapy available. Leave a comment and tell me I'm beautiful.
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[07 Mar 2004|02:55pm] |
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mood |
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wasting away |
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music |
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that new korn song i just heard last night |
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J.D.: People will look at the ashes of Westerburg and say, "Now there's a school that self-destructed, not because society didn't care, but because the school was society." Now that's deep.
-->Heathers<-- great 80s teen movie!
People will look at the ashes of WHHS and say, "Now there's a school that's shallow, material and so full of shit, not because of socitey, but because the school was society." Now that's the fucking truth.
----
Counselor Paul Hyde: Whether or not a teenager decides to kill themselves is the biggest decision of their life.
Father Ripper: We must pray the other teenagers of Sherwood, Ohio, know the name of that righteous dude who can solve their problems: it's Jesus Christ, and he's in the Book.
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[23 Feb 2004|03:59pm] |
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mood |
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complacent |
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music |
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Toadies - Possum Kingdom :) |
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so i didn't go to school today.. basically cuz i woulda failed everything. and to think of it.. i still will. X(
woke up at 11. watched American Beauty w/ the director's commentary on. realized film making is an art.
**warning.. boring fencing stuff ahead..**
Frosh/Soph: i'm sorry to rasha (rashma?) attyeh who probably hates me.:\ i made her 2nd in our pool and eliminated her in the DE and she looked like she was going to kill me. my DE bout w/ her was weird. our director was Nicole Greco from Valley and she was so obviously biased against me that i wanted to puke. looks like she was buddies w/ attyeh. luckily most of my points were one-lighters so she couldn't dispute that. attyeh called her sisters and tried to get her coach over.. the ramapo coach ended up watching and i got this feeling that he was rooting for her too..
was i got from 9-16 place.. dunno exactly yet. was eliminated by Carly Becker.. she was nice and an amazing fencer. i feel no resentment. lost 2-5, 2-5 to her. last year i bageled. she got 2nd.. i wonder who was 1st. cindy got into top 8 by beating curly-haired Lakeland girl. she deserved it :)
let's see.. in my pool i was 1st: 4-0 (5-0, 5-4, 5-2, 5-0) +14 screw the 5th person who had an ear infection and screwed up my rank cuz i only fenced 4 ppl instead of 5. DE: 4-2 (5-2, 5-(3?), 5-1, 5-4, 2-5, 2-5)
overall... 8-2
the morristown fucks ran out of food at 5.30... its not that hard to order fucking pizzas. the only vending machine serving food ate my dollar and didn't give me back change.
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besides now being hated.. it wasn't as depressing as i predicted.
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| beatae memoriae [of blessed memory] |
[16 Feb 2004|09:54pm] |
Abe: Have you ever been so attracted to someone that you're afraid you'll blurt out something stupid?
Joan: I have a rash on my back.
Clone High... damn mtv cancels the good shows. i miss Daria too.
Happy belated Valentine's day folks. Normally I wouldn't give a damn and post anything but this quote was great.
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nobody622311's journal
